Where to begin, well I guess I should start with my child hood and what led up to my addiction to porn.

I was born in France in the year 1989, my parents who were missionary’s traveled around Europe where they had two other children. At the age of six I moved to Africa with them where we worked in Nigeria and different war torn countries in Africa.

We lived with another family who’s kids were around are age. Now from a young age I was always fascinated by sex, from the first time I walked in on my parents doing it, I knew it was something special.

When I was around eight, I began to play mommy and daddy with the other missionary family’s daughter who was a year older then me. As time went on we started playing truth or dare, I never had sex with her though, we would just fool around. Then when I was ten my parents split up, my dad took us three boys and my mom took my younger sister. We moved down to South Africa and away from that other missionary family. I know most boys when their young despise girls and think they’re gross, I was never like that. And as I slowly grew up I became more and more horny.

By the age of 10 I knew what porn was, but never was able to see any, if only that would have lasted. Probably the first porn video I ever watched was when I was 11 and staying at a hotel in South Africa. Me and my brother’s had a room to ourselves and after twelve midnight they would play porn movies, or more like adult erotica. Of course when I was that age it was still hard to get my hands on any, so I went through a year and a half watching very little porn. But at the age of thirteen that all changed. My dad bought me my first computer, now while not the best it still had a wireless card, and with that my dreams became a reality.

At first I didn’t know where to get it porn, but as time went on I found out, either older boys would tell me or some time’s a friend would give me a short porn clip or pictures. I learned about Limewire and downloaded at lot through that program. My father of course would go through my computer regularly and see if I had anything bad on it, but I learned to cover my tracks pretty thoroughly. And by 14 I would watch porn almost every day. That was where the addiction really began. At first I didn’t see the harm in it, getting off was fun and felt good, I thought why do people think porn is bad, well I was to find out soon enough.

I began to use up a lot of bandwidth and my dad was getting suspicious. Also every time I would download porn I would get increasingly agitated afraid that the government would find out and take me to jail. I know that’s sounds stupid now but when I was that age it was a constant fear. Besides that I traveled a lot and when ever I wasn’t able to look at porn for awhile I would start craving it, I needed to get my fix, and the worst part about it, was when I got it afterwards, it would leave me feeling drained and empty, and I began promising myself I would never look at it again. Of course the next day the craving came and I would give in and look at porn. Still at least it was all between women and men.

Slowly the desire to watch porn increased to the amount that normal porn didn’t suffice, I began to look up animal bestiality, or even I was sick enough to once look at paedophilia though I found it disgusting. I’d also look at incestuous porn though I always felt sick afterwards. I never did look at gay porn at least not between guy’s I’ve always been disgusted by that and was never attracted to it. Although I have watched a lot of lesbian porn, and gangbangs, there was even a time in my life when I was into Manga and Anime porn. But slowly I realized that the more porn video’s I watched the more I felt disgusted with myself and with life. Since I was a virgin I always hoped that when I was divirginized I would stop. Sadly that didn’t happen. I was divirginized at the age of 15 and I would still look at porn after that. I was depressed and even began to think of suicide.

Now I know that you might think what an idiot I was, you wonder why porn would make anyone suicidal, well trust me it can. Especially when it becomes an addiction, you know its wrong and you want to stop, but it’s too difficult. Maybe you’ll be strong enough to stop watching it for a week or two, but then the desire is so strong that you give in and bam your right back at the bottom. So life went on and let me tell you it wasn’t pleasant, I would hide behind a mask of false happiness, pretend to everyone I knew that life was good and I was happy, but inside I was miserable. Every time I tried to get a grip on life, it would slip from my grasp and I would tumble back into my miserable state. Life crept slowly by until I was 16 years old, and I finally whole heartedly made the decision to quite.

I finally realized what I had to do, I had to confide in my dad. Trust me this was not an easy choice, every ounce of my body was begging me to stop, but I knew what I had to do. So one day I sit him down and told him everything……..

He took it surprisingly well compared to what I had expected, and after an hour of him being speechless he talked with me about a way to get unhooked. This was his idea.

He said that first of all I should stop using my computer for a few months, secondly there would be no internet use, and thirdly that he would be supervising my rehabilitation.

At first I was mad that I couldn’t use my computer but slowly it dawned on me that this just might work. Of course it was easier said then done, and after the first week I wanted it. Every fiber of my body said porn, porn, porn, and it took all my will power to stop me from going to the news stand to buy a porn magazine. Of course I would never have been able to do it with out my dad. He was there every time I needed help. He helped me stay focused and talked me through it. It took 4 months to finally not feel the need to watch porn, and another month till I didn’t even think about it. So the last test finally came, give me back my computer and see if I would look up porn. Now maybe some of you are wondering what kind of dad would ever trust his son again. Well my father is a good man, and he told me that he had suffered the same when he was younger, maybe not half as strong but he still knew what it was like. So he gave me back my computer and I had it for one month without looking up anything even remotely sexual, it was hard, oh ya but I pulled through. And after that I was free.

It’s been almost 4 years since then, and though sometimes I still whack off to the occasional porn now and again. I have never allowed myself back down the road to damnation. I now have a steady girlfriend and am living in California.

Now it wasn’t easy for me to write this, but I did it hopping that someone out there would read it and stop before it’s too late. If that someone is you then heed my advice, don’t let yourself get dragged down that road, cause brother it ain’t a walk in the park.